Help for when you feel stuck in resistance, rebellion, and self sabotage
Here in February, you probably have dreams, hopes and intentions for the coming year. You may want to make changes in how you eat, care for your body, or care for your needs - like setting limits around sugar, getting more sleep, or beginning an exercise program.
You may have wonderful intentions and feel full of heart and desire - and yet find yourself feeling caught in strong feelings of resistance, inner conflict, and defiance.
When you go to set that limit with sugar, you may have an inner part that suddenly flares up and says, "No! You can't make me!" - and proceeds to eat way too much chocolate.
This can be so frustrating - especially when you're earnest, sincere, soft hearted, and trying so hard.
It may feel like the only way you can change is to be hard on yourself - even though this feels awful. Or you may feel discouraged, like compassion doesn't work. You may feel envious of those who seem to be able to follow through on their goals. Ouch, I can relate. It's so painful.
The missing ingredient: power
What's missing is power. Being connected to your internal sense of power is what creates self leadership: the capacity to effect and make changes in your life.
When we don't have a connection to our power - or when we're afraid of hurting ourselves with overbearing or abusive power - we may feel afraid of using power in our relationship with food or with ourselves at all! This can show up in a number of ways:
The root underneath these issues is often a conflicted relationship with power, and in particular, internal conflict with your 'inner rebel.'
Meet the inner rebel
The inner rebel is the part of us that says, “Uh oh, no way!” and strongly rebels or resists when we try to tell ourselves no, set limits or steer or guide ourselves into new ways of being. The inner rebel can arise as strong emotions, body sensations, thoughts and feelings of resistance, rebellion, opposition, and defiance.
It's like a 2 year old saying, “No! You can't make me and I don't want to!”
The inner rebel can be so frustrating! For there's a part of you that longs for growth, healing and change. And yet the conflict with the inner rebel can create 'self sabotage,' fester feelings of self doubt, and keep you stuck in the very patterns you long to change.
In teaching over a thousand students and in listening to their food stories, nearly everyone experiences conflict with their inner rebel. It's really, really common – and is why I've created this course.
Help to soften resistance and rebellion
In Align: Heal the battle with your inner rebel, you'll receive support, tools, practices, and understanding to give you
greater confidence and competence in relating to this part of
yourself. This course is especially designed for heart centered, highly sensitive people - to have a way of relating to power that fits with your needs.
The good news is this – you can learn ways to understand, listen to, and care for the inner rebel so that you can soften and soothe this dynamic.
It's not about 'cutting out' this part of yourself, but understanding its necessary and vital role, giving it outlets so it can do its job, and connecting with this part of your being.
With loving relationship, you can align your inner rebel with the other parts of yourself, where your various parts cooperate in greater harmony – working together towards your dreams, hopes and yearnings.
The next step of your journey
If you've spent a lot of time nurturing your softness, making room for your vulnerability, and creating a more compassionate relationship with yourself and your overeating, and yet you feel like you're not able to make the changes you'd like to make with food, healing your relationship with your inner rebel may be the next step on your journey.
In this course, you'll learn about the
dynamics that feed the inner rebel, how to soften the battle between
your desire for change and your desire to say no, and how to relate
to your inner rebel with more levity, playfulness, and friendship
rather than fighting with this part of you.
A healthy relationship with your inner rebel is how you're able to:
Be filled with power and volition
I want you to feel empowered - to be the leader of your life, to be filled with power, to feel courage when facing difficult emotions and needs, and to feel both empathy and 'good orderly direction' for those parts of you that feel resistant, defiant, rebellious, stuck or afraid.
Healing your battle with your inner rebel - learning how to befriend rather than fight against this part of you - will help you embody and embrace your natural power. This then frees you up to follow through on the dreams, intentions, and hopes that are precious to you and your being - and that are also needed in our shared world.
As a sign in my gym bathroom says, "Please don't throw paper towels, trash, hopes and dreams down the toilet."
What if I can't attend the live Q&A webinars?
One of the most frequent questions we get is about attending the Q&A webinars. As our class is international, it's hard to find a time when everyone can attend - whether it's due to work, time, or family conflicts. Attendance at the Q&As is always optional.
But often, there's a question underneath this question: will I get what I need from the course if I don't attend the live Q&As?
Here's what I've observed from teaching 10 years of classes and from my own experiences as a virtual student:
What I most want for you is for you to be fed and nourished both from the course itself and from the group that's journeying through the material together.
Your experience in the course - and your capacity to be nourished by it - is greatly amplified if you stay connected to the group and the 'group container." You can do this in a couple ways:
There's a third way to stay connected to the group! You can also participate by submitting questions or comments/insights to the Q&A webinars (even if you can't attend live) and by listening to the recordings of the webinars afterwards.
I've done this as a student myself, and found this option to be very nourishing when I couldn't attend live and when there wasn't a group forum/sharing space to connect with the class.
In a nutshell: You don't have to participate in both the Q&As and the Facebook group, but you'll receive much more from the course if you commit to one and participate.
This connection is how you:
Why this is a great place to be
Healing your relationship with your inner rebel frees up your natural power, energy, and passion so that you can devote these precious resources towards what is most important to you - rather than embroiling this energy in warding off inner conflict.
If you've struggled with embodying and expressing power in how you care and nourish yourself, and you feel a nudge, longing, or desire to express power and strength in your life - even if you don't feel like you know how to do so - then you may be at a turning point in your journey.
You may be longing to express these other aspects of your being in your life, to combine softness with strength, compassion with commitment, and autonomy with cooperation. While it may feel scary, new or uncertain, it's a great place to be!
For something is longing to be born in you.
May this new life be supported with kindness, gentle hands, care, and support.
Whether or not you choose to take this particular course or whether you find help from another source, I want to thank you for your courage, desire and interest in this work. I wish you fullness of power, sovereignty, self leadership, and inner strength!
May you be a beacon of healthy power for yourself and for our world!
I’m Karly, your guide through the course. I help highly sensitive people who struggle with food feel more compassion, less shame, and less self judgment so that they can receive support for healing and feel more connected to themselves, others and Life.
There is a deeper story that lives underneath the surface story of your struggle, and this story is both more true and more merciful. It's this story that I help midwife into being. There is so much beauty - and so much tenderness - that lives in and underneath our struggles.
Growing human(kind)ness, the name of my website, means to embrace our human struggles with a soft heart - and to allow ourselves to be softened by them. This work arose from two things - from my own experience with 20 years of multiple eating disorders, chronic depression and anxiety, and from bearing witness to others' stories of challenge, growth and rebirth.
I write books, essays, and courses, teach classes, and speak to groups.
I offer this teaching in service to all who feel the shame of human stumbling and who yearn for wholeness, and to a desire for a more relational, compassionate, and connected world. Underneath all my work you'll find a love for the human heart and its resilience, depth and courage.
I live in Austin, Texas with my husband Patrick and our family, two dogs, a very frisky cat, lots of dust bunnies, and beautiful oak trees. I love good stories, good music, good food, good words, lifting heavy things, and long walks.